You might think that if She Nut is only 4 months old, that I may be jumping the gun a bit with these feelings that my baby girl is growing up too fast. When I look back at the past year, it seems like it just flew by! A year ago today, I send my kids off to school. Shortly after dropping them off I got a call from Wing Nut's teacher to tell me that he had a diorama due that day and that not only did he forget to bring it it...We forgot to do it. Completely forgot. We had 2 weeks to work on it. We got notes sent home in the homework folder reminding us to do it. But there I was on the phone with his teacher as she reprimands me for not getting it done. I remember thinking "Gee lady, give me a break, my baby just had open heart surgery last month, cut me some slack." I gave her all sorts of apologies, because really I felt terrible that I flaked out on Wing Nuts project.
So I was wandering around the house, kicking myself in the butt and tearing everything apart looking for anything that could be used in the diorama and the phone rings again. I saw that it was his teacher, and even though I didn't want to answer it I did, the guilt of ignoring his teacher got the best of me. Lucky thing I did answer it, the water pipes at the school burst and there was no heat in the school. I had to go pick up my kids and all I could think about was how lucky we were to have the whole afternoon to finish a diorama that all the other kids did in two weeks. Yippie, lucky day!
We also had to do some last minute Thanksgiving dinner shopping, which I was hoping to do while the kids were in school, but whatever, I love it when school it canceled! We swung by Micheal's and grabbed a few things that we needed for the diorama and headed off to Walmart. It took us awhile to get through shopping, the store was packed for a Monday afternoon, and even though Wee Nut was 6 months old, we didn't really go out too often with him, let alone all 4 kids. Getting through the store was difficult and I ended up dragging the kids back and forth across the store several times because I couldn't seem to remember everything that was on my list in front of me. This is also before I became a Master at pushing a double stroller with one hand and pulling the cart with the other. Wing Nut did a great job of helping me out in the beginning, but by the end of the shopping trip, the cart was full and pretty heavy. I was surprised at how well all of the Little Nuts were behaving, but I think they were just happy to not be in school and were still full of excitement from the broken pipes at school.
So we walk out, pushing the double stroller, pulling a cart full of Thanksgiving goodness and it turned out to be a chilly rainy day. So I quickly head to the van, I started walking down the same parking isle that I always park in, because well, I always park there, so that is where my van should be. Now remember, the store was packed, so the parking lot is packed. I am walking and walking and realizing that I have no idea where my van is. Really. It is raining, I have four now tired and Little Nuts and I have no idea where the van is. I started walking off back and forth, pointing my van key clicker at every van that even remotely looks like my van. For some reason I was starting to think I had no idea what my van looked like, that some how I forgot, and that I was looking for the wrong van. My Little Nuts were little troopers though, helping me push the cart back and forth in the rain while I explain to them that I can't figure out how I lost the van or where it could be. We were soaked by this point and starting to get sad little looks from women watching my struggling confusion.
Then all of a sudden, there is was, right in front of me...not my van mind you...it was the realization that I was pregnant! The only thing I could do was stop and in slow motion, turn to my kids and stare blankly at them. There I was, rain pouring down on my family, lost in the Walmart parking lot and I was pregnant.
That explained the forgotten diorama. Woo-hoo, it wasn't my fault, it was the baby's.
That explained the lost van. Woo-hoo, I am not crazy, I am pregnant.
Totally. Makes. Sense.
And oh wait! I parked completely on the other side of the parking lot. Like 7 rows over. Really. Very far away from where I was looking. The parking lot was so packed when I got there, I had to park on the other side of the store. Which I never do. Ever. You would have thought that we were the head of the Macy's Day Parade with all the excitement that we had while marching across the parking lot to our van. I still had to point my van key clicky at every van on the other side of the parking lot, but at least we were heading in the right direction. Of course we eventually find the van, the soaking wet kids climb in while I toss the dripping groceries in the van and we are home free.
After a few minutes of soaking in the realization of another baby, and soaking my van seats with my dripping clothes and hair, we headed home. We went home and finished up the diorama, it took pretty much all day long, but had a great time doing it.
In case you missed it, She Nut was due on Little Nut Nut's third birthday...I also realized that I was pregnant the week of Thanksgiving with him as well. When I was pregnant with Little Nut Nut, my parents were coming to visit and I had just figured it out that day or maybe the day before. We were working on remodeling our kitchen at the time and were cleaning up and getting what was done ready for my parents visit. They always call right when they get into town to give us a heads up and the kids love standing in the front window waiting for them. Right after they called, I looked at my husband and said "By the way, I am pregnant, I won't be drinking wine and I feel sick to my stomach." My husband had a few short moments to let it sink in and my parents were here. Since we didn't even have time to talk about it we kept it to ourselves and sprung it on our family for Christmas. Merry Christmas!
We spent last Thanksgiving alone as a family, relaxing and recovering from the whirlwind that our lives had become with Wee Nut. When I told my husband I was pregnant with She Nut, all I could do was laugh. I made another Thanksgiving dinner that I could hardly eat and dreamed about how this baby must be a girl!
William asked me yesterday if there was going to be a November surprise this year. Of course not. We are not pregnant and will not be having any more children. No more November surprises.
So it is not just that my baby girl is 4 months old going on 4 years old. It is a blink of an eye and a year is gone. We went through many tests when I was pregnant with She Nut, the early part of my pregnancy seemed to drag on forever. Waiting to get the tests, and then waiting for the results. Now I am looking at my baby girl as she rolls from side to side, I listen to her laugh out loud and babble non-stop, trying to be heard among her brothers. I want to swaddle her up and keep her close and smell her fresh baby smell and rub her soft baby hair. I keep having those moments where I want to stop time, where I want to grab all of my many small Little Nuts and keep them from getting any older. And many of those moments are shattered by many small Little Nuts screaming, fighting, begging for this, that and the other thing. Babies who can't feed themselves and children who flood the bathroom sink, drag everything out of the kitchen cupboards and spill all of their toys from one end of the house to the other. So while after She Nut, I will no longer be the changer of diapers or the feeder of breast milk, I will be the holder of hands, the loudest mom on the sidelines, the table at the restaurant without the highchairs and the chauffeur to many Older Nuts. No matter what, I know I will always be the giver of hugs, the wiper of tears and the band aid applier. And really that is OK with me. Kinda. Not completely. But mostly.
I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna learn how to fly--high!